After reading Are You Geeky Enough to be a Weightlifter by Nick Horton, I just knew I could beat his score on The Geek Test. After all, I’m a Networking geek, have limited social skills, spent most of my teenage years (and a fair amount of my adulthood so far) playing computer games and pen-and-paper RPG’s, introduced my kids to RPGs, and so on, so this should have been a slam dunk.
Well, turns out, I’m either cooler than I thought (not very damn likely) or the test is poorly calibrated, because Nick managed to score 0.55351% (better? worse?) geekier than I did. So congrats to him (sulk). However, I was completely truthful in my test (not that I’m accusing, just saying….), and to put my money where my mouth is, here are all of the answers I answered yes to:

the geek test v.3.14
I HAVE…
studied a language on my own
indexed and catalogued any personal collection
done homework that wasn’t required
done homework for somebody else
studied an artificial language (such as Klingon)
created an artificial language
thought I could win a quiz show
corrected a professor in class
corrected a salesperson on technical specs
corrected a supervisor on spelling, grammar, or technical specs
written a letter to the editor
written songs or music inspired by something geeky
written for a webzine
a subscription to a sci-fi or computer magazine
   a nature or science magazine
   to a games or gaming magazine
solved a Rubik’s cube
I HAVE BEEN…
to a comic con
game master
to a LAN gaming party
called a geek, nerd, otaku, friki, etc.
   several times
in “smart” classes
asked to fix someone’s computer
on speed dial as someone’s personal tech support
in marching band
to band camp
in a science competition
   placed high or won
to museums by my own freewill
I HAVE… (2)
attended a geek party/festival
been really excited about attending a geek party/festival
roleplayed
   3+ times a week
   for 12 hours straight (or longer)
introduced several people to RPGs
a phone number with GEEK as the last four digits
   and/or something equally geeky
criticized normality
taken the Mensa test
gone to the movies alone
skipped parties to program or repair computers
   to read or study
   to game and/or chat online
   because I’m not cool enough to go
never turned down a date
written articles for geeky publications
faulted a movie for its technical and/or historical innaccuracies
   for missing important elements of the book it’s based on
   for missing important elements of the comic book it’s based on
I HAVE READ…
Douglas Adams
Piers Anthony
Isaac Asimov
Arthur C. Clarke
Stephen Hawking
Robert Heinlein
Robert Jordan
H.P. Lovecraft
J.R.R. Tolkien
any “The Companion to …” books
books based on Star Trek or Star Wars
comic books
   of multiple ongoing series
graphic novels
geeky webcomics
fan fiction
books on math/science outside class
gaming books
   cover to cover
entire computer manuals
software/computer language books
joke/humor/trivia books for self-enrichment
I WANT…
a real lightsaber
more computers
to work for Microsoft, Google, or Apple
to one-up Microsoft, Google, or Apple
my own comic book store
my own gaming store
more friends
more RAM
GPS
100-sided dice
to take over the world
to score well on this test
I WANT OR WANT TO BE…
Scully or Mulder
I BELIEVE…
that anything can be fixed
that all this has happened before and all this will happen again
I REGULARLY WATCH(ED)…
X-Files
Battlestar Galactica
Firefly
Superhero cartoons (Batman, Superman, etc.)
Jeopardy
Highlander
Robot Chicken
spinoff shows of any of the above
documentaries
obscure movies
educational programs (on PBS, History Channel, Discovery Channel, etc.)
Sci-fi Channel
bonus features on DVDs
I HAVE SEEN (2+ times)…
Bladerunner
The Fly
Highlander: the movie
The Last Starfighter
The LOTR trilogy
   the extended director’s cut
The Matrix
Spaceballs
War Games
Any Star Trek movie
The Star Wars Original Trilogy
The New Star Wars Trilogy, despite JarJar
Transformers: the movie (the original cartoon)
Weird Science
Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy
2001: A Space Odyssey
Serenity
Donnie Darko
Avatar
Any Kung Fu movie made before 1980
I OWN…
10+ of the above movies
polyhedral dice with
   more than 20 polyhedral dice
a gaming book
a few gaming books
a ton of gaming books
>1 Steve Jackson game
   and the expansion packs
3+ computers for personal use
2+ sound effects CDs
> 1 video game console
voltmeter
I WANT TO BE (OR HAVE BEEN)…
a wizard or witch
a superhero
a physicist
an astronomer
a vampire
a professional sound techie
I LIKE TO…
play with numbers
read on Friday or Saturday nights
go to the library
browse the dictionary to learn new words
use my computer first thing in the morning
use 1440×900 or higher
intentionally use 800×600 or lower
play RPGs
watch bonus materials on DVDs/Blu-ray
do physics in my head
learn on my own
I PLAY…
Steve Jackson games
word games (like boggle, scrabble, crosswords)
many types of board and card games
interactive games on multiple devices
trivia games
geek rock (Weezer, They Might Be Giants, Ween, Jonathan Coulton)
music that nobody else listens to, ever
no sports
more than one musical instrument
computer strategy games
Fantasy Baseball, Football, etc.
an excessive amount of computer games
Risk
   all the way to the end
I WEAR…
t-shirts, ties, underwear, etc. related to computer humor or fandom
   science or math humor or fandom
clothing that proclaims geekhood
ugly or vintage clothing
as little brand name clothing as possible
I COLLECT…
gaming books
vintage computers
dice
I HAVE… (3)
cracked software
hacked into another computer system
had long Mac vs. PC debates
Beta tested software applications
Beta tested games
created ASCII art
altered registry files
used Usenet or IRC
ripped, equalized, and meticulously archived my music collection
created a computer and/or video game
followed newspaper comic strips online
followed webcomics regularly
built a computer
participated in “distributed computing” projects (SETI@home, Folding@home)
destroyed things just to see how they work
played Everquest
defeated Final Fantasy
played video/computer games for 12+ hours straight
created a website
submitted my personal website to search engines
owned a personal domain
more than 5 screen names
I KNOW…
C, C++, Java, and/or C#
Lisp, Ada, CGI scripting, Pascal, Delphi, COBOL, and/or Fortran
BASIC
ASCII
HTML, JavaScript, ActionScript, ASP, and/or PHP
l337 sp33k
Latin
what http:// stands for
what dpi stands for
what E=mc^2 means
what “managed code” is
the three laws of robotics
   and who invented them
more people online than in real life
who H.P. Lovecraft is
chemical symbols for 10+ elements
the difference between speed and velocity
the names of 3 temperature scales
   and the H2O freezing/boiling points of each
the difference between nuclear fission and fusion
   and can explain it in detail
how to count in hexadecimal
the difference between octal and octane
what RAM and ROM stand for
who created MSDOS
who first implemented windows on their OS
what a “patch” means in computer terms
what the blue screen of death means
I KNOW… (2)
how to count to 31 on one hand
how to play 7+ games with regular deck(s) of cards
what GURPS stands for
my age in binary
the relationship between Chainmail and D&D
the names of 5+ LOTR characters
   2+ Dragonlance characters
   5+ comic book writers
   5+ comic book artists
   5+ Star Trek characters
   5+ Star Wars characters
     from each generation
what a THAC0 is
extensive, useless trivia
that the answer is 42
that I am a geek
BONUS ROUND
My profession requires a certain level of geekiness
Throughout my life, my level of geekiness has only increased
I think this Geek Test is really cool
I can think of other things that should get me points on this test

On the downside, guess I’m not as much of a geek as I thought (despite once owning the domain alfageek.com), but on the upside, I don’t want to be an Olympic Weightlifter anyhow.
I invite you to take the test and see if you, too, can be disappointed with how much of a mediocre geek you truly are.