In these troubled times, I feel it is appropriate to help my fellow Americans out. There is a survival film that has been floating around for years that describes the situation we are quickly moving towards. While it found it’s fair share of success in the 80’s as a “fiction” film, I don’t think anyone properly appreciates it as a hard-core survival guide. Part of this surely stems from it’s cultural differences, however, as it is set in Australia.

The main plot device centers around a character named Maximillian something-or-other, a smart, swarthy bloke with testicles of steel. This individual is a member of the local constabulary and is responsible for keeping peace (or peas, I can never remember) during these difficult times. He is also quite angry.

Indeed.

Anyhow, Maximillian, or “Max”, as his friends refer to him, is being pressured quite harshly by his beautiful, sexy (but quite poorly endowed) wife to leave the constabulary and retire to some less dangerous profession. Max really wants to give in, but the Constabulary offers him a sweet-ass ride that is kind of a cross between a 1978 Monza, a Ford Falcon, and a Top-Fuel Dragster, and who the fuck can turn that shit down?!? YOU KNOW?!?!?!?

..

So anyhow, Max finally gives in after a run-in with a complete nutjob (which was actually before his friend got the fucking beatdown by the local gay Hell’s Angels, which is actually the real reason he quit, but I digress), and retires to the Australian back out or up back or whatever the fuck it’s called.

Anyhow, his cute (but tiny-tittied) wife gets her brains crushed in by these gay-assed wankers that F-d up his buddy, and his son (or daughter….Not sure…Little shit, anyhow) gets all wasted by the biker dudes. In fact, they fuck him up so bad, all that’s left is his SHOE!

Anyway, this makes Max real Goddamn mad, and he kind of goes apeshit and starts blastin mo-fos like it aint no thang.

The moral of the story is: The world is going to shit and you better buy a fast Goddamn car. And ammo. The End.